Change

Start somewhere.

Reading through my old diary journal makes me realize how much I’ve grown. The way I see things now is somehow different. Guess I’m pretty much older now.

Some people told me I didn’t change after years. They said I still looked the same (some said I got prettier though, lol), and my personality didn’t change much. Well, most of the people I know don’t change much either. Or maybe, I deny to look them differently, just because I don’t want them to change. Oh but who am I to judge.

One thing I learned about myself lately is, I repressed a lot. Rather than being a present-hedonistic who tries to seek pleasure in everything I do, which is me some times ago, I get more and more transcendental-futuristic. Not because I want to, but because I realized that I have to. For me, being (so-called) “spiritual” changes a lot of aspects in my life. And change is never easy, right, especially when the change is vast and fast. I know I just gotta start somewhere, rather than complaining how hard it is. I’m still trying to accept this urge to change, and of course it will be a bumpy road, but change is good.

Change for the better is good.

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Happiness.

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My work in 2015 called “Peace”.

A lot of things changed in the last two months. I left my job and also some other important parts of my life to find another side of me, but what I found is, another side of life. If you ask me, am I happy now? I don’t know. Maybe I am, or maybe not really.

I’ve always thought that I need to be happy. That was forever my life plan, actually. I always seek for happiness, I get it from the excitement of new things, new people, new places, new experience. But then, I realize that being “at peace” is far more valuable. “Peace” isn’t something you seek. I can buy a pair of shoes to feel happy, even though it’s just pseudo-happiness. Ha. But being at peace is different, it ain’t something you can buy with money, or something that can be planned.

So, if you ask me, am I happy now? I will still answer: I don’t know. Maybe the question ain’t relevant no more. All I want now is to be constantly at peace.

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“Be Yourself.”

Kata-kata super klise dan used everywhere by everyone sampai-sampai terasa basi dan maknanya hilang. Apa sih sebenernya jadi diri sendiri itu? Diri yang mana? For all I know, setiap orang bisa memiliki lebih dari satu karakter, tergantung bersama siapa dia berada dan dalam situasi yang bagaimana.

But oddly, it feels kind of different when you’re the one who said it.”Jadi diri sendiri aja kali, Da.” Tiga bulan yang lalu, setelah cerita betapa Jakarta membuatku feels so fucking lonely, you only said “Kenapa harus bergantung sama orang lain sih.” Damn, we are social creatures and that’s why we need others, so I thought. But hey, since when I categorize myself as someone ‘social’? Lol jk.

My point is, kata-kata ini yang membuat aku sadar aku sudah mulai salah arah. Dan kemudian banting setir saat itu juga. AHA moment, they called it. I didn’t know myself back then, so I seek for it, bit by bit. And now, my life is somehow different. Not easy, but I’m getting through it. Lose some, get some. So, really, I sincerely thank you for your cliche advice. 🙂

Wardah #ColorChallenge Blog Contest

Sudah lebih dari tujuh bulan saya bergabung dengan PT Paragon Technology and Innovation sebagai PLDP Promosi Wardah Cosmetics. Siapa yang menyangka, seseorang seperti saya yang sama sekali tidak memiliki latar belakang di bidang marketing maupun kosmetik, bisa menjadi seperti sekarang ini.  Pengalaman selama beberapa bulan terakhir bagaikan merubah saya dari sebuah benih kecil, menjadi sebuah tanaman yang saat ini sedang tumbuh kembang. Ditanam, disiram dan dipupuk oleh berbagai jenis pengalaman dan pembelajaran mengesankan selama di Jakarta saat training, maupun di Makassar, tempat sekarang saya belajar dan menerapkan kembali setiap hasil pembelajaran yang saya dapatkan. (more…)

Let’s Do Zentangle!

Some of you may have heard about this type of art. I can proudly say that I’m one of those many artists who do zentangle a lot! I’ve done a lot of zen-arts since last year. You could check them on my instagram. Now I’m about to tell you some points about zentangle, get your pens ready! (more…)